10 ways to get some ooomph!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

THE female orgasm is one of the last sexual taboos. People don’t like to discuss it, yet it is the most natural feeling in the world. Our bodies were made to receive pleasure, yet an estimated 50% of women rarely or never achieve orgasm.

Here are ten simple steps to help you achieve orgasm and to improve your sex life:



1 RELAXATION On average a woman needs at least 15 minutes of foreplay, to get her body to a state of arousal. So begin by slowly touching, caressing, stroking and kissing her — on her neck, her back, her shoulders, behind the ear, etc.

“People do not spend enough time pleasuring each other,’’ says Marie Daly, a psychosexual therapist with Relationships Ireland and Feelgood columnist.

“They need to spend time touching each other, gently massaging each other all over, not just the erogenous areas. Enjoy the pleasuring and the touching and that will help them both relax.’’


2 COMMUNICATION AND PLEASURE A woman needs to be able to show and explain to her partner exactly what gives her pleasure. How fast, how slow, what pressure — soft or hard.

But she cannot confidently teach her partner if she doesn’t know her own body.

Dr Lisa Turner, the ‘O-Coach’, who has helped women all over the world learn to orgasm, agrees that self-pleasure is the key to helping a woman achieve orgasm.

“Some women have these really high expectations. They have never had an orgasm on their own but believe they are suddenly going to find the man of their dreams and he is just magically going to know exactly how to make her body orgasm.

“This is not a fairytale. Your body is your body and you need to know what makes you orgasm and then you will be able to teach him.’’



3 TRUST A woman is not going to reveal her most intimate thoughts, feelings and emotions if she does not trust her partner. She needs to be able to let go, clear her mindset and feel free to enjoy sex.

“Trust is vital,’’ says Tony Duffy, a sex and relationship therapist in Kildare. “If you feel safe with your partner, you are able to relax, enjoy and just let your sexual feelings take over your body.’’



4 NO PRESSURE It is important also to take the pressure off the man and the woman, so don’t ask your partner immediately after sex. ‘Did you come?’ As they will feel they have failed if the answer is ‘No’.

“I think men have this idea the more orgasms a woman has the better lover he is,’’ says Tony Duffy. “You can have this situation where he is doing what he can and the women feels like she is letting him down, so we have this whole idea of faking it.

“Your brain is the biggest sex organ you have. At the end of the day, if you are under pressure, anxious or stressed, things just won’t work. You cannot force yourself to have an orgasm, especially for a woman. That is simply not going to happen.’’



5 EXPERIMENT WITH POSITIONS Be adventurous, create an experience that both of you can enjoy and remember, knowing it was special to you as a couple.

Try a new sexual position every month or change the scenery, move out of the bed. Instead use chairs, couches, tables too — anything a bit different is always great for arousal.

“My view is anything goes, as long as it is not illegal and you are enjoying it,” says Dr Turner.



6 ENJOY — A GOOD READ Not surprisingly there are hundreds of websites offering sexual advice and tips. Fortunately not all of them are pornographic. Try www.menshealth.com

Or if you prefer a book — The Greatest Guide to Sex by Julie Peasgood, or 100 Hot Sex Positions by Tracey Cox are bestsellers on www.amazon.co.uk Even reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover by DH Lawrence, snuggled up in bed, could be fun.




7 HAVE FUN — USE SEX TOYS Sex toys, like vibrators, or acting out fantasies can also help. Marie Daly says people need to find out what works for them and really concentrate on feelings and pleasuring.

“Some people find vibrators are a great kick-start,’’ she says. “Then you meet people who feel if they have an orgasm with a vibrator it will never be the same with their partner which, of course, is not true.

“Go to a website that you feel comfortable with. There is a huge range of vibrators out there now, they are not all large and garish, which can frighten some people. I would start off small, discover what you like and then experiment as a couple.’’

Ray D’Arcy’s Today FM radio show has repeatedly recommended the Omax massager and rechargeable vibrator to its listeners, quoting its blurb. “This would get an orgasm out of a stone.’’

www.omax.org

Also www.lovehoney.co.uk. offers a full refund if you aren’t satisfied with your sex toy.



8 DATE NIGHTS TOGETHER Spend quality time together as a couple. Go on dates and have fun. Arousal does not just happen in the bedroom.

“People expect that they will be turned on the minute they hop into bed and that’s it,’’ says Marie Daly. “There is not a magic switch. But sexual feelings can start a long time before that, like when you are out, really enjoying each other’s company. That can be a real turn-on.’’



9 DATE NIGHTS ALONE If the woman is still having difficulty in achieving an orgasm with her partner, then Dr Turner suggests she has a “date night’’ by herself.

So run a hot bath, put on some favourite music and make sure you have the space and time to truly get to know your body.

“It is about getting really comfortable with herself,’’ says Dr Turner. “Sometimes a woman might not want anyone else to see them let go, and be out of control. The more control she has in her day-to-day life the harder it could be to let go.”



10 TIMING Too tired for sex at night? Preferring instead to fall asleep in front of the television after a long, hard day at work? Then how about first thing in the morning? Or on a lazy Sunday afternoon?

You can enjoy sex anywhere or at anytime, not just when it’s dark, lights off and the curtains closed.

"> www.the-o-coach.com  

"> www.relationshipsireland.com 

"> www.tonyduffy.com