Happy Father’s Day! To celebrate steal a moment to read these tweets from dads who are sharing their parenting journey for our amusement.
1. Relaxation hack
My kids hide in their rooms whenever I use the vacuum. Sometimes I just turn on the vacuum and lounge on the sofa.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) July 14, 2016
2. He’s coming for you…
Approaching a child with a comb is a lot like approaching someone with a chainsaw.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 5, 2016
3. Independence is overrated
4yo: "Daaaaddy! I need your help! I'm in the bathroom! I tried to practice wiping my own butt!"
Me: "How'd it go?"
4yo: "Not too good."
Oh.— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 17, 2016
4. Toddler v puddle
Are all toddlers so bloody dramatic!? This is a picture of Charlie this morning, he'd just dropped his biscuit in a puddle. pic.twitter.com/sNyKdUbYSJ— Man vs Baby (@mattcoyney) May 25, 2017
5. Only answer the question
We have the most scintillating dinner conversations. pic.twitter.com/a3WQoekB56— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 13, 2017
6. Dad gets burned
5-year-old daughter: Why does Mom wear makeup?
Me: To look pretty.
5: But she's already pretty.
5: Dad, you should wear makeup.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2015
7. It’s so they can easily attract bees
With kids, I don't even ask why things are sticky anymore. I just assume everything is sticky. Sticky is now my default.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 1, 2016
8. At least you can’t share socks? Can you?
4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?
Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.
4: You're only a mom because of me.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017
9. Focus on what’s important
Wife: How's Steph?
Me: Not good. Hurt his knee, could be out a while
Wife: Blank stare
Wife: I was talking about our daughter— Total Dad Move (@totaIdadmoves) April 27, 2016
10. Get them ready for the real world
Summer vacation can't come fast enough. I'm sick of waiting all day for the kids to unload the dishwasher.— Whit Honea (@whithonea) June 1, 2015
11. School them in economics
5-year-old: I wish we all had infinity dollars
Me: That’d wreck the economy
5: I just-
Me: Go to your room until you understand inflation— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2015
12. Or rather get schooled in economics
My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 11, 2014