Paul O’Grady: 9 things I’ve learned from country life

Tuesday, November 07, 2017 - 07:42 am

Comedian and TV presenter Paul O’Grady had a rude awakening when he moved from the bright lights of London to a Georgian farmhouse in the rolling Kent countryside, going from city slicker to country bumpkin overnight.

Amassing a menagerie of animals in the 20 years since, his ‘adventures’ include being chased by a psychotic sheep, toppled by a cow, suffering stings and bites and even being dragged to the ground by sadistic geese. But none of this has dampened his love for country living, which he charts in his new book, Paul O’Grady’s Country Life.

Here, he reveals 9 things he’s learned in his 20 years as a country bumpkin…

1. He’s not allergic to adder venom

Paul was bitten by an adder (Thinkstock/PA)

“One winter, I was getting logs out of the log pile and it didn’t hurt but I came out with these two puncture marks and they wouldn’t stop bleeding. When I went for more logs, there was this adder curled up in the log and I knew I’d been bitten. I rang the hospital and they told me to come in. It didn’t have any effect, I was fine. And they do have the antidote in our local hospital.”

2. He can help deliver baby animals

“I can deliver a lamb [he donned surgical gloves and helped the process along when one of his pregnant ewe’s became distressed]. When the lamb came out, he wasn’t breathing, so I took the mucus off his nose and rubbed him with a towel to get him to breathe. Then slowly, as he started to come to, I had to get him on the mother’s teat and then she started to clean him.

“I came out like Mother Teresa, like in a film. I felt like there was a shaft of sunlight on me, blood hanging off me and this beautiful lamb doing well. I’ve never been so proud in my life.”

3. He’s more patient than he thought

Paul with one of his feathered friends (Nicky Johnston/PA)

“I’ve learned to relax. I’ve learned there’s no sin in sitting down for a couple of hours and reading a book. Sod the pile of washing and the post.”

4. Raw onions are great for soothing wasp stings

“I was drinking tea in the garden and a wasp that had crept into my mug bit me on the lip. I sat there rubbing my lip with an onion for 20 minutes – there was no sting, no swelling, no pain.

“All home-remedies are the best. It’s the pharmaceutical companies that stop us practising them. I have feverfew for migraines, valerian for sleep, parsley to keep your breath fresh.”

5. You’re never too old to climb trees

He’s been ‘branching’ out (Thinkstock/PA)

“I can’t resist it. I’ve fallen out of a tree a few times. There’s something lovely about getting yourself up a tree and just sitting there.”

7. There’s ‘no room for sissies in the countryside’

“You take hazards in your stride. I’ve learned not to be delicate because there is no room for sissies in the countryside, believe you me. You’ve got to get in there and deal with it, whether it’s a dead rat in your kitchen with no head because the dog’s bitten it off, or you’ve got bats hanging off your bedroom lamp.”

8. Being out in nature is oh-so calming

Paul relaxing with his dogs (Andre Portasio/PA)

“It’s so beautiful. There’s never a day when I don’t go down to the orchard with the dogs and think, ‘Isn’t this lovely?’ I’m happy to say that now I look forward to time on my own.

“I’ve long stopped feeling guilty if I do absolutely nothing. Living in the country has calmed me down. I appreciate the seasons because you notice them in the countryside. Now, I don’t worry about petty things like: ‘My suit’s not back from the dry cleaner’s!’”

8. He is green-fingered after all

He can identify plants like cow parsley (Thinkstock/PA)

“I can take you through the woods and say, ‘There’s an anemone, there’s a lords-and-ladies, there’s a cow parsley. I’ve learned how to grow things. Before moving to the countryside, I didn’t have a green finger, I had a poisonous one. I only had to walk through a garden centre and everything would wilt. While I’ve discovered that I’m not very good with tomatoes and the like, I do have a knack for growing herbs.”

9. He’s actually much happier having a night-in

No longer the showbiz party animal (Nicky Johnston/PA)

“I actually no longer want to go out every night, but prefer staying in and indulging myself by trying out new skills, wondering if the strawberry jam I was making would ever reach a rolling boil, or worrying if the orphaned lamb with bloat that I was sitting up with all night would see the sunrise.”